Miserable at Best
by xShadow0x
Summary: Songfic oneshot. I have a broken heart; I'll live with it. I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best... Based around the song Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade. Use your imagination on this one.


Does she think of me? Does she cry about what we had? I hope not. I would never want her to go through what I'm feeling.

_Sweetie, don't cry_

I hope she is enjoying life. I hope she tries to grab life, and if she misses, that she grabs something to lean on. I hope she doesn't despair. It wasn't her fault. Those perfect eyes never held hate, they never showed disdain. It wasn't her fault. She tried her best.

_I know you tried your hardest_

But still there's that small part of me. The small part in the back of my mind that wishes that she misses me. That wishes that she misses those carefree summer days and nights. Lord knows I miss them. And then there is the rest of me that says I'm being ridiculous. That tells me I need to let go. To move on. But I can't. I just can't. It hurts too much.

_And the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared_

I would rather spend the rest of my days just getting lost in the memory of her eyes… Those eyes that would gaze at me with such adoration. The eyes from which tears coursed that last day, the last day we saw each other. Those beautiful hazel eyes, one glimpse of them would bring the sun to the cloudiest of my days. I used to think I could stare at those eyes forever. But those eyes don't belong to me anymore.

_Compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright, and when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it_

**N**one of her belongs to me anymore. She's his now. But does he love her like I do? Does she love him like she loved me? I've no doubt, she thinks she does. And he thinks he does. All I want is for her to be happy. If she is happy, who am I to protest? I'm that old heartbroken hangers-on. Neither of them cares. No one cares. Here I stand, in the rain, looking in the window at them.

_Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight, I know he's there and you're probably hanging out and making eyes, while across the room, he stares_

**I** remember that night, when I was the happiest person alive. We were both searching, searching, but for what, we didn't know. And then I took a gulp and leapt. And a net did appear. I remember how your eyes lit up when I asked you. I remember how we danced, and you laid your head on my shoulder – I felt like nothing could ever go wrong. I remember how it stormed, and we just stayed, and swayed in the pouring rain. I remember you said you thought it was magical, and my heart melted. I thought we'd finally found each other. But now you've found someone else. And here I am, standing in the rain, without you.

_I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes_

Did I ever mean anything to you? Every time I said I love you, did you ever hear me? Or did you just not **c**are? No, that can't be it. You said you loved me back. I saw it in your eyes, you cared. You did. But now it doesn't matter. None of it matters.

_Because these words were never easier for me to say or her to second guess_

I feel like I can't. I d**o**n't think I can go on. But I know that's a lie. I can live. I can go on. I can do without you. It will be hard, but I can do it. There will be days where I sob, where all my pain comes at once, and I feel my heart shatter again, just like that night. I will survive. And so will you. But if you aren't by my side, I'll still feel it. I'll still miss you. I'll always remember you. I will keep going; but I will always feel the empty space in my life where you should be. And I will always die inside when I remember you.

_But I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best_

I was searching for so **l**ong. We both were. I looked for someone just like you. I love everything about you. I love you at your best; I love you just as much at your worst. I told you I love you when you hated yourself, and I told you I love you when others hated you. You never believed me. Adorable, beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, fantastic; I called you all of these. You are my everything, but you never thought you were.

_You're all that I hoped I'd find in every single way_

But you n**e**ver wanted what I gave you. I gave you compliments; I gave you a shoulder to cry on; I gave you an open ear; I gave you my heart; I gave you my love; I gave you everything I have. You never wanted them. You stole them, and left me standing in the rain, as you danced with him to our song.

_And everything I could give is everything you couldn't take_

You left. You left me. You left me alone. You left me alone and ran off with him. I'm searching in the dark; I can't find you. You gave me your number, and never replied. You gave me your address, and moved away. You gave me your love, but snatched it back. Where are you? What happened to us?

_**C**__ause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away_

How can I go on? How can I survive, as I see you and him, so happy… that used to be us. My heart is already shattered. That night you held my heart, my love in your hands. That night I thought you would be paradise, a solace for my troubled heart and soul. Instead you crushed it without a second thought.

_And the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay_

I know it's not our fault. It's not my fault. It's not yours. We both will live our lives. We will probably be happy. It doesn't feel like it though. It feels like a cannon shot through my happiness, and that hole will never be filled.

_'Cause I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet_

_So, let's not pretend that you're alone tonight_

_I know he's there and_

_You're probably hanging out and making eyes_

_While across the room he stares_

_I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor_

_And ask my girl to dance_

_She'll say yes_

_Because these words were never easier_

_For me to say_

_**O**__r her to second guess_

_But I guess_

_That I can live without you but_

_Without you I'll be miserable at best_

So close, and yet so far. It is torture to see you, and see your happiness. But it's worth it. To see your eyes light up now still overwhelms me. It brings tears of pain and tears of joy all at once. I can't see anything except for your face. You are still my everything. And we will see each other again. We will. And it will be just as amazing and just as painful as it is now.

_And this will be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you, and I can't speak_

I remember the day you teased me, asking how I slept. When I was confused, 'cause how could you know I couldn't sleep? You laughed and said that you can't sleep when someone's dreaming about you. Before, I would just remember the hope I had for us at that time. I would remember how you gave me that strange look, and I couldn't decipher your eyes. Now that's not what I remember. Now I only have one question for you. How did you sleep last night? Or the night before, or the night before that. You are in my dreams every night. And tears streak my face when I wake up, because I see him with you, and I see how you stare at him with the love you used to have for me.

_Been three whole days since I've had sleep 'cause I dream of his lips on your cheek_

They call me obsessed. You would too. But I don't care. If that means I love you with all my broken heart, then yes, I'm obsessed. I look you up to make sure you aren't dead. Is that so bad? I see your accomplishments, and I swell with pride. Is that so bad? I think about you all day because I remember your sweet smile and how I could stare at you for as long as you let me. Is that so bad? They call me obsessed. You would too. But it just means I love you with all my broken heart.

_And I got the point that I should leave you alone but we both know that I'm not that strong_

I could take one look at you and float away on the next cloud. The way you smiled at me, I could soar forever. The way you batted your eyelashes, I would melt. The way you whispered in my ear, it still gives me shivers. The way I would look for you in a crowd, and our eyes would meet from across the room; makes my heart wrench if I think about it. I miss these. I miss you. But in 2 years' time, you won't remember my name.

_And I miss the lips that made me fly_

None of her belongs to me anymore. She's his now. But does he love her like I do? Does she love him like she loved me? I've no doubt, she thinks she does. And he thinks he does. All I want is for her to be happy. If she is happy, who am I to protest? I'm that old heartbroken hangers-on. Neither of them cares. No one cares. Here I stand, in the rain, looking in the window at them.

_**L**__et's not pretend like you're alone tonight, I know he's there and you're probably hanging out and making eyes, while across the room, he stares_

I remember that night, when I was the happiest person alive. We were both searching, searching, but for what, we didn't know. And then I took a gulp and leapt. And a net did appear. I remember how your eyes lit up when I asked you. I remember how we danced, and you laid your head on my shoulder – I felt like nothing could ever go wrong. I remember how it stormed, and we just stayed, and swayed in the pouring rain. I remember you said you thought it was magical, and my heart melted. I thought we'd finally found each other. But now you've found someone else. And here I am, standing in the rain, without you.

_I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes_

Did I ever mean anything to you? Every time I said I love you, did you ever hear me? Or did you just not care? No, that can't be it. You said you loved me back. I saw it in your eyes, you cared. You did. But now it doesn't matter. None of it matters.

_B__**e**__cause these words were never easier for me to say or her to second guess_

I feel like I can't. I don't think I can go on. But I know that's a lie. I can live. I can go on. I can do without you. It will be hard, but I can do it. There will be days where I sob, where all my pain comes at once, and I feel my heart shatter again, just like that night. I will survive. And so will you. But if you aren't by my side, I'll still feel it. I'll still miss you. I'll always remember you. I will keep going; but I will always feel the empty space in my life where you should be. And I will always die inside when I remember you.

_But I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best_

[**Author's Note: Thank you to anyone that reads this. I get that this is kind of ambiguous, but, to me, that's kind of the appeal. This is based on 'Miserable at Best' by Mayday Parade. I know the lyrics aren't exactly the same, but I needed it to fit with what I was trying to do. Please read and review. Peace out. :)**

***A note to someone who will never read this* I love you; I always did; and I always will. I hope he makes you happy. If I see you again, you won't see my broken heart. You won't see it because you won't look. If you did, you would realize that you had it the entire time.**]


End file.
